Bullying Should Not Be Part of Growing Up: What Parents Need to Know

LDA of America Mental Health Committee

Students with learning disabilities and/or attention disorders are at a greater risk for being bullied or of becoming a bully. The purpose of this article is to help parents become aware of signs of bullying, to give some suggestions on how to work with the school system to create a safe environment for children and to promote zero tolerance programs for bullying.

Every day in our Nation's schools, children are threatened, teased, taunted and tormented by schoolyard bullies. For some children, bullying is a fact of life that they are told to accept as a part of growing up. Those who fail to recognize and stop bullying practices as they occur actually promote violence, sending the message to children that might indeed makes right. Bullying often leads to greater and prolonged violence. Not only does it harm its intended victims, but it also negatively affects the climate of schools and the opportunities for all students to learn and achieve in school. So begins the 11/3/1998 US Department of Education report, Preventing Bullying - A Manual for Schools and Communities.

Bullying can take different forms. Bullying can be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual. The American Medical Association defines bullying as a pattern of repeated aggression; with deliberate intent to harm or disturb a victim despite apparent victim distress; and a real or perceived imbalance of power (e.g., due to age, strength, size), with the more powerful child or group attacking a physically or psychologically vulnerable victim.

Who Gets Bullied?

Although there are many characteristics or behaviors that might lead to a child becoming the target of a bully, the following represent a fairly comprehensive list:

kids who are different or perceived as different
students who are overweight, shorter or taller than their peers
students whose interests differ markedly from those of their peers
those who are not good at or not interested in sports
special needs students or those with disabilities
students sexually stereotyped as effeminate or masculine; and,
bright students who are perceived as nerdy

Evidence of Bullying

The warning signs of a child being bullied are many. Without intervention by a caring adult, there are often tragic results. Parents and school staff need to be aware of what to look for if they think a child has become the victim of a bully (Beane, 1999):

frequent illness
sudden changes in behavior
anxiety, fearfulness, moodiness
reluctance to attend school
changes walking route to school
wants to change busses
possessions are often lost or damaged
needs extra money for lunch and supplies
talks about or attempts to run away
talks about or attempts suicide
carries or wants to carry protection such as a kitchen knife, a gun, or a box opener
has started bullying or is aggressive to other children and younger siblings

Victims of Bullying

There are two types of victims:

passive victims who appear as anxious, sensitive loners who give off victim signals, lack self-defense skills, don't think quickly on their feet, and have few friends to support them
provocative victims who are easily aroused, impulsive, kids that tease or taunt bullies, egg them on, and make themselves targets but can't defend themselves (Beane, 1999)
Many children with LD/ADHD fit into one of these two categories.

What Parents Can Do if Their Child Has Been Bullied?

If you suspect that your child has been bullied, or has witnessed bullying at school, talk with your child and listen to his/her concerns. Listening gives your child a feeling of value. Let your child know it is not his/her fault and does not deserve to be treated in that manner. Tell your child that you will make sure he/she is protected and you will work with the school to get the issue resolved. Frequently children who witness bullying have the same reactions as the victim, feeling powerless and scared. They may also wonder if they will be the next victim.

Teach your child strategies and behaviors that will help to deal with bullies like avoiding the bully, spending more time with supportive friends, always being with a group and learning how to verbally respond to the bullies. However, telling the bully to back off or stop should be done when surrounded by friends as there is strength and safety in numbers. Role-playing with the child can help him/her remember what to say and what to do. Some parents have found that participation in sports or martial arts classes have helped children build self-esteem, confidence, and the ability to defend themselves. Reaffirm to your child, that you will do all that is possible to ensure safety at school, on the way home from school and in the neighborhood. Talk to your child's teacher, the school counselor or social worker and principal and ask for their help. All schools should have written anti bullying policies in place. Become familiar with those policies and on the forms of discipline, both positive interventions and negative consequences used to carry out those policies. This information should give you a clear understanding of how the school is going to help your child and how school personnel will work with the bully to put a stop to the behavior.

What Schools are Doing to Stop Bullying

The harassment of students with disabilities became so obvious that in July 2000 a joint letter was issued from the Office of Civil Rights and the Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services, US Department of Education. The letter was sent to principals in every school in United States to ...develop greater awareness of the issue, to remind interested persons of the legal and educational responsibilities that institutions have to prevent and appropriately respond to disability harassment, and to suggest measures that school officials should take to address this very serious problem.

Research has shown that the school climate is directly attributable to the educational leadership in a school, whether the vision for that school has been forged by the principal, or by the principal acting in concert with the teaching staff (Weiss, 1995). School administrators across the country have responded to the call for safe schools by promoting zero tolerance for bullying and violence and are upholding the practice of consistent enforcement of the anti bullying rules. Some states require each school to have a detailed emergency response plan to situations that weren't even thought about ten years ago.

School wide anti bullying programs can be built into the curriculum and carried out on a daily basis. For example

posters featuring the importance of respecting differences and helping others can decorate the halls
in lower elementary school teachers can incorporate understanding and appreciation of differences and the importance of using kind words and treating each other with respect
in 3rd and 4th grade learning how to be assertive; how to talk and how to say stop to someone who is being a bully
5th graders are at a good age to learn the art of mediating disagreements.

However, it is important to know that in the case of bullying, peer mediation tends not to be effective because of the power the bully holds over the child who is a victim.

Teachers are receiving training on how to handle bullying and to the different forms of bullying from mild teasing to constant harassing. Bullying behavior gives feelings of power and control to the bully by creating feelings of fear and intimidation in the victim. The best way to stop bullying is to have an adult quickly step into the situation; letting the bully know that behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

The school plan should contain the follow up steps which might include reassuring the victim in private, talking to students who witnessed the incidence and reinforcing the importance of bringing an adult into the situation. One very important part of the plan is how the school staff is going to work with the bully and the bullies parents to change the behavior.

Ten years ago bullying was treated like a part of life, that if ignored would go away. Thanks to public concern and research on this topic, there is now a national awareness about bullying and the disastrous life long effects that this behavior can have on children who are bullied, and on those children who are bullies. This awareness has resulted in the development of many excellent anti-bullying programs that are now available to help community agencies, school systems and families work together to get the message across that bullying is no longer considered to be a part of growing up.

References and Resources

American Medical Association, Report 1 of the Council on Scientific Affairs, 2002, www.ama-assn.org

Beane, A.L., (1999). The Bully Free Classroom. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing, Inc.

Dwyer, K., Osher, D., & Warger, C. (1998). National Education Association, National Bullying Awareness Campaign, www.nea.org/schoolsafety/bullying.html

The Public Schools Parent's Network: An Information Source and Resource Guide for Parents www.paparents.net Article: Bullying in Public Schools, Date: 01, Feb, 2004. This Website is an excellent resource for parents covering a variety of subject matter.

U.S. Department of Education. (2000, July 25). Letter on harassment based on disability. Washington, DC: Office of Civil Rights and Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services.The U.S. Department of Education. A manual: Early Warning, Timely Response: A Guide to Safe Schools, to assist schools in the development of strategies and plans to deal with violence or threats of violence. The 29-page manual is available online at http://cecp.air.org/guide/guidetext.htm

Weiss, C.H. (1995). The Four 'I's' of School Reform: how interests, ideology, information and institution affect teachers and principals. Harvard Educational Review, 65, 571-92.

Learning Disabilities Association of America
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